“The power to change is within you.
There is a dark, lonely, empty place where we find ourselves when we feel lost and trapped. Despite the pain and misery, we learn to dwell there and make the best of it because the pain and misery became constant companions when many others have fallen away, unable to understand or help. It’s so hard to realize that there, alone with yourself, you have the ability to rediscover your power and make a change in yourself.
It starts with your thinking and gratitude. (I also had to heavily employ fake it, til you make it).
Instead of waking up and despairing that I was alive to slog through another day, I tried being simply grateful.
I began my day with a gratitude list. ‘Great Creator, thank you for the bed I slept in, the roof over my head, the food in my kitchen, the clothes in my closet.’ (I couldn’t be thankful for waking up at first, so I simply didn’t include it). Then I got up and suited up. Yup, got out of the frumpy, shapeless, ‘I don’t give a sh*t’ clothes and put on something a little nicer. And I committed to that. And soon, suiting up and showing up turned into being happy about wardrobe choices, or choosing something pretty to brighten my mood.
Then one day, I noticed a shift. The birds were singing so loudly they woke me up. The colors were so vivid and bright. Food smelled good again. And this layer that had built up around my heart, that was supposed to protect me from all the painful things, cracked and begin to thaw. And it hurt! Oh did it hurt. Still does. Heart centered awareness is a new level and has been a learning curve (at least for me).
It’s been a few years now. I continue to practice daily gratitude, positive affirmations, suiting up and showing up, (even just to clean house), daily journaling, biking, walking, photography, yoga, meditation and prayer. That’s part of my self care list. It’s still not easy. It’s still hard work. The work will never end. Everything requires maintenance, but that’s so much more helpful than emergency repair.
Get started on your overhaul or bump up your maintenance. Time to make a change and embrace and heal YOU! It’s the hardest work you’ll ever do, but the most rewarding.
Have a blessed day beautiful souls.”
Leslie C. Bertrand
Paradoxical Phoenix
