Are You Emotionally Intelligent?

“When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ‘something’ in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.

You Have a Robust Emotional Vocabulary

All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.

People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling ‘bad,’ emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel ‘irritable,’ ‘frustrated,’ ‘downtrodden,’ or ‘anxious.’ The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

You’re Curious about People

It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.

You Embrace Change

Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.

You Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Emotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.

You’re a Good Judge of Character

Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.

You Are Difficult to Offend

If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

You Know How to Say No (to Yourself and Others)

Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification, and you avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major self-control challenge for many people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

You Let Go of Mistakes

Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

You Give and Expect Nothing in Return

When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.

You Don’t Hold Grudges

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

You Neutralize Toxic People

Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.

You Don’t Seek Perfection

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.

You Appreciate What You Have

Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the right thing to do; it also improves your mood because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.

You Disconnect

Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an e-mail break can lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an e-mail that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment.

You Limit Your Caffeine Intake

Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, and adrenaline is the source of the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt e-mail. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of them.

You Get Enough Sleep

It’s difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.

You Stop Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks

The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.

You Won’t Let Anyone Limit Your Joy

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.”

By Dr. Travis Bradberry


Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world’s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by,Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.


Is Your Partner A Narcissist?

This quiz from the author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?  can help you determine the answer.

Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions:

1. Does your partner seem cold or unfeeling in the face of your feelings or the feelings of other people, or does he seem to have difficulty understanding the feelings of other people?

2. Does your partner talk about his life, accomplishments and work in an exaggerated or larger-than-life way (for example, having an impossibly good job, how he is going to have the greatest of everything)? Is your partner arrogant and convinced of his superiority over other people?

3. Does your partner believe that he is entitled to special treatment in all areas of his life (to receive special treatment from businesses, service workers, friends and life in general)? Does he become angry when this special treatment is not accorded to him?

4. Does your partner manipulate people and situations to get his needs met, with little regard for the feelings of other people?

5. Does your partner become intensely angry very quickly—and usually out of proportion to the situation at hand?

6. Does your partner often think that people are out to get him or take advantage of him?

7. Is your partner able to hand out criticism easily, but does he have a hard time hearing even the slightest feedback without becoming defensive and even angry?

8. Is your partner frequently jealous of you and your friendships, relationships, successes and opportunities?

9. Does your partner do bad things and not feel guilty about them or even have any insight into the fact that these were not nice things to do?

10. Does your partner need constant admiration and validation, such as compliments, awards and honors, and does he seek it out (for example, through social media or constantly letting people know about his achievements)?

11. Does your partner regularly lie, leave out important details or give you inconsistent information?

12. Is your partner an expert showman, making a big show of everything he does, including parties, the car he drives, the places he goes and the way he portrays his life to others?

13. Does your partner regularly project his feelings onto you (for example, accusing you of being angry at a time he is yelling at you, or accusing you of being inconsistent when his life is chaotic)?
14. Is your partner greedy and materialistic?  Does he covet more things and more money and stop at little to achieve these things?

15. Is your partner emotionally cold and distant? Does he become disconnected, particularly at times when you are experiencing or showing strong emotion?

16. Does your partner frequently second-guess you or doubt you to the point that you feel like you are “going crazy?”

17. Is your partner cheap with his time or money? Is he a person who will only be generous when it will serve his interests?

18. Does your partner regularly avoid taking responsibility, and is he quick to blame others for his mistakes? Does your partner tend to defend himself instead of taking responsibility for his behavior?

20. Is your partner controlling? Does he attempt to control your behavior? Does he appear almost obsessive and compulsive in his need for order and control in his environment and schedule?

21. Are your partner’s moods, behaviors and lifestyle unpredictable and inconsistent? Do you frequently feel like you do not know what is coming next?

22. Does your partner take advantage of you and other people on a regular basis? Does he take the opportunity to ensure his needs are met even if it means inconveniencing or taking advantage of the connections or time potentially offered by you or other people?

23. Does your partner enjoy watching other people fail? Does he take glee in the idea that someone’s life or business is not going well, especially when that person has typically done better than him?

24. Does your partner find it difficult to be alone or spend time alone?

25. Does your partner have poor boundaries with other people? Does he maintain inappropriate relationships with friends and co-workers, and keep doing this even when he is told that this is uncomfortable for you?

26. Has your partner ever been sexually or emotionally unfaithful?

27. Does your partner tune out when you are talking? Does he yawn, check his device or get distracted by papers and tasks around him while you are talking to him?

28. Does your partner become vulnerable or sensitive at times of stress or when things are not going well? Is he unable to cope when faced with significant stressors, and does he become very fragile at these times?

29. Is your partner regularly neglectful or just not mindful of basic communication and courtesy (e.g., letting you know he is going to be late, or reflexively saying and doing hurtful and careless things)?

30. Does your partner frequently use his appearance or sexuality to get attention? Is he very flirtatious, or does he frequently use sexy banter with people outside of your relationship in his words, actions, and social media posts or text messages?

 If you answered “yes” to 15 or more of these questions, you likely have a pathologically narcissistic partner. If you answered “yes” to 20 or more of these questions, then it is pretty much a guarantee. Obviously, some of these characteristics are more problematic than others, and some may cause you more distress.
For example, you may have answered “yes” to only a few items, including number 26, because your partner cheated on you. Not all cheaters are narcissistic, but that one behavior may have betrayed your trust in a significant and permanent way (however, it will be rare for a person with an unfaithful partner to have that as the only “yes” on the list).
Some of these questions hold more weight than the others when it comes to diagnostic or pathological narcissism. The key questions include 1: grandiosity, 2: entitlement, 4: empathy, 10: admiration and validation seeking, 13: projection, and 18: avoidance of responsibility. These characteristics form the core of narcissism and fuel the dynamics of superficiality and inability to form deep and mutual intimate relationships. If your partner has these key characteristics, many of the other questions on the list will follow.
No one will have a partner for whom all of these answers will be “no”—all of us have some of these characteristics—so you may have a sweet, empathic partner who just happens to like a very clean car or closet. One snowflake does not make a blizzard, and one “yes” does not make a narcissist. However, the more of these you are experiencing with your partner, the more challenging your relationship will be.
Should I stay This excerpt was taken from Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist, by Ramani Durvasula, PhD. Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles.

Evidence of Reincarnation

Walter Semkiw, MD and Jim Tucker, MD discuss the reincarnation research of Ian Stevenson, MD, which involves children’s past life memories that can be factually verified. Children’s past lives provide evidence or proof of reincarnation and are presented as reincarnation stories at Barbro Karlen relates her childhood past life memories of being Holocaust victim Anne Frank.  Reincarnation research also shows that we plan lifetimes to be reunited with loved ones & to equalize karma from past life relationships.

Dr. Bruce Lipton – Genes Don’t Control Life – The Environment Controls the Cells

Bruce is a cellular biologist who is the author of “The Biology Of Belief” and “Spontaneous Evolution”. He talks about his life, his work, and how he sees the predicament of the human race.

“As you change your response to the environment, you control your genes!  You create your life!  Your mind’s perception of the World controls your environment.  Science reveals that we are running our lives on these subconscious programs (or habits) most of the time!  Dr. Lipton developed the principles of a new science, Epigenetics, where you live your life in a more conscious way rather than being controlled by habitual, negative thoughts.  Your mind, being happy and harmonious, produces great health.  However, you have to work at being aware of your thoughts!”

Beyond the Veil: Synchronicity and Near Death Experiences

A Psychology Today Article by

Near Death Experiences (NDEs) awaken minds to new realities. They tear through the web of ordinary life.

NDEs are profound subjective events at the threshold of death. They often include spiritual and paranormal elements, such as a sense of leaving the physical body, perceiving events at a distance, and encountering mystical entities and environments.

Bruce Grayson, MD, a pre-eminent NDE researcher, has shown that after these life-altering experiences, people report that they see more coincidences.

NDEs give the experiencer a place to stand outside of our conventional concepts of how the world works. Some people return from their excursions into greater consciousness to teach us how to better understand ourselves and help our age-old quest for peace and the expansion of human consciousness. Dr. Eben Alexander is one such teacher.

Here is Eben’s NDE story:

After decades as a physician and teacher at Harvard Medical School and elsewhere, academic neurosurgeon, Alexander thought he knew how the brain, mind, and consciousness worked. A transcendental NDE during a week-long coma from an inexplicable brain infection changed all of that—completely. Memories of his life had been completely deleted, yet he awoke with memories of a fantastic odyssey deep into another realm—more real than this earthly one!

Since his 2008 NDE he has been reconciling his rich spiritual experience with contemporary physics and cosmology. By probing deeply into our own consciousness, we transcend the limits of the human brain, and of the physical-material realm. His story offers a crucial key to the understanding of reality and human consciousness.

To hear him describe more about what he learned, please click here.

A Special Excerpt from Dr. Walter Busby’s book, THE JOURNEY OF A MYSTIC CHILD

                                              CHAPTER 1

      My Spiritual Awakening

                       A Walk in the Garden of Eden

    Everything is alive—rocks, trees, water, flowers everything!                  

I left my house to take a walk on a beautiful spring morning. I had barely got to my mailbox when I was suddenly conscious of another dimension of reality. Although words will never adequately describe this new dimension, I knew with a certainty and clarity that I had never experienced before that everything in our universe was connected and part of the same living energy. Th is experience, which had a surreal quality of timelessness, could have only lasted a few moments since when my normal awareness returned I was still standing in the same spot near the mailbox. I thought, That was fascinating! Since I could not place the experience in my reality, I put it out of my mind and continued my walk. In the days that followed, however, I thought about the experience more and more frequently. A few weeks later, I awoke one morning and knew that something magical had happened. I felt the presence of a divine and heavenly mood………This divine presence was continuous with me for the duration of this magical experience, which lasted almost three months. The following describes the changes in my awareness:

·        A feeling of oneness and love with everyone I met; I could sense his or her inner self and real motives and needs, especially the need for love.

·        A sense that everything is composed of energy and that even inanimate object had consciousness.

·        Awareness there was no random events; that every event and interaction was part of a grand Divine plan.

·        My senses—smell, touch, taste, and sight—were intensified.

      The most significant change was living in the here and now. I was only vaguely aware of the future or of time passing. I recall an experience watching a spider spinning a web in my backyard. I felt oneness with my brother, the spider, as I sensed all life was precious and sacred. Hey, I know you are thinking this sounds like an acid trip. I can assure you, except for a one-time experiment with mushrooms many years into the future, I have never taken LSD or any other psychedelic drug.


“I started this autobiography over ten years ago. While the basic premise has not changed, I have expanded my knowledge of the soul’s journey, thanks to the work of Michael Newton. In his book, “The Journey of Souls,” he describes in detail how we co-create our lives with help from our guides. He acquired this knowledge by conducting over seven thousand hypnotic regressions of his clients’ between-lives experiences. I believe the consistency of his clients’ experiences and the rigor of his methods will convince any open-minded person of the validity of his work. He meticulously recorded these sessions and by careful analysis found the organization and structure of the between-life experience. I believe his excellent research has no parallel in answering the questions of what happens when we die as well as the issues of reincarnation, karma, spiritual guides, channeling, and so on.”  

Dr. Walter Busby’s “The Journey of a Mystic Child” is available from Amazon Books

A Course in Miracles

Judy_1A Coursenglishe in Miracles

This revolutionary  book (also referred to as ACIM or the Course) was scribed and edited by Helen Schucman, with portions transcribed and edited by William Thetford.  It contains a curriculum to bring about what it calls a “spiritual transformation.” The book consists of three sections entitled “Text,” “Workbook” and “Manual for Teachers.” Written from 1965 to 1972, some distribution occurred via photocopies before a hardcover edition was published in 1976 by the Foundation for Inner Peace.  Schucman believed that the “inner dictation” came from Jesus.

Throughout the 1980s, annual sales of the book steadily increased each year; however the largest growth in sales occurred in 1992 after Marianne Williamson  discussed the book on The Oprah Winfrey Show, with more than two million volumes sold. The book has been called everything from “New Age psychobabble”, “a Satanic seduction”, to “The New Age Bible”.

–From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Who is Neale Donald Walsch?

About Neale

Neale Donald Walsch is a modern day spiritual messenger whose words continue to touch the world in profound ways. With an early interest in religion and a deeply felt connection to spirituality, Neale spent the majority of his life thriving professionally, yet searching for spiritual meaning before experiencing his now famous conversation with God. The Conversations with God series of books that emerged from those encounters has been translated into 37 languages, touching millions and inspiring important changes in their day-to-day lives.

Neale has written 29 books on spirituality and its practical application in everyday life. Titles in the With God series include: Conversations with God, Books I–III; Friendship with God; Communion with God; The New Revelations; Tomorrow’s God; What God Wants; and Home with God. Seven of the books in that series reached the New York Times Bestseller List, CWG-Book 1 occupying that list for over two-and-a-half years. His most recent books are When Everything Changes Change Everything (2010), The Storm Before the Calm (2011), The Only Thing That Matters (2012), What God Said (2013) and GOD’S MESSAGE TO THE WORLD: You’ve God Me All Wrong released in October, 2014.

Conversations with God has redefined God and shifted spiritual paradigms around the globe. In order to deal with the enormous response to his writings, Neale has created several outreach projects, including the CWG Foundation, CWG for Parents, Humanity’s Team, the CWG Helping Outreach, and The Global Conversation — all accessible at the “hub” website, and all dedicated to help the world move from violence to peace, from confusion to clarity, and from anger to love.

Neale’s work has taken him from the steps of Macchu Picchu in Peru to the steps of the Shinto shrines of Japan, from Red Square in Moscow to St. Peters Square in Vatican City to Tiananmen Square in China. And everywhere he has gone — from South Africa to Norway, Croatia to The Netherlands, the streets of Zurich to the streets of Seoul — Neale has experienced a hunger among the people to find a new way to live, at last, in peace and harmony, and he has sought to bring people a new understanding of life and of God which would allow them to experience that.

Neale has a home in southern Oregon where he lives with his wife, Em Claire, one of America’s newest poetic voices ( They travel extensively throughout the world, speaking to audiences and sharing the messages of the Conversations with God material, as well as offering the healing messages held within Em’s poetry.