“The most important thing to remember is: one needs friends because one is incapable of being alone. And as long as one needs friends, one cannot be much of a friend – because the need reduces the other to an object.
Only the man who is capable of being alone is also capable of being a friend. But it is not his need, it is his joy; it is not his hunger, not his thirst, but his abundance of love that he wants to share.
When such a friendship exists, it should not be called a friendship, because it has taken on a totally new dimension: I call it ‘friendliness.’ It has gone beyond relationship, because all relationships are bondages in some way or other – they make you a slave and they enslave others. Friendliness is simply the joy of sharing without any conditions, without any expectations, with no desire that something should be returned – not even gratefulness.
Friendliness is the purest kind of love.
It is not a need; it is not a necessity: It is sheer abundance, overflowing ecstasy….
It is really ridiculous: your friend needs you, he is afraid of his aloneness; you need him, because you are afraid of your aloneness. Both are afraid of aloneness. Do you think your being together means your alonenesses will disappear? They will be simply doubled, or perhaps multiplied; hence all relationships lead into more misery, into more anguish….
You have to encounter your emptiness.
You have to live it; you have to accept it.
And in your acceptance is hidden a great revolution, a great revelation.
The moment you accept your aloneness, your emptiness, its very quality changes. It becomes just its opposite – it becomes an abundance, a fulfillment, an overflowing of energy and joy. Out of this overflowing, if your trust arises it has meaning; if your friendliness arises it is significant; if your love arises it is not just a word, it is your very heart….
The desire to have faith in someone betrays only one thing: you are too poor, too empty, too unconscious. And this is not the way to change your situation; this is simply the way to a false consolation.
You don’t need consolation; you need a revolution, you need a transformation of your being. You have to come to terms with yourself – that is the first step in having the right trust, the right friendship, the right love. Otherwise all your relationships – of love, of friendship, of faith – are nothing but betrayals. You are exposing yourself and declaring that you are empty, unworthy, undeserving.
If you cannot love yourself, who is going to love you?
If you cannot be a friend to yourself, who is going to be a friend to you?
If you cannot trust in yourself, who is going to trust you?”
Osho, Of The Friend Talk, osho.com
