Category: Spiritual Writings

“Without the knowledge of one’s inner self, there is little possibility for a truly rewarding and successful relationship.  A relationship is not something that exists just between two people.  Any relationship involves a multitude of selves in each person that interact with similar or opposite selves in the other. We have to learn who in us is interacting with our partner at any particular time.

Also if you surrender to the process of primary relationship, then you must learn to listen to your partner.  This does not mean that you must obey or agree with your partner, just that you must truly listen and feel your partner’s reality.  If you cannot listen or you do not hear what your partner is trying to say, then you must find out why this is so. You must continually give energy to the process of relationship and do whatever is necessary to move through the roadblocks that inevitably develop between partners.

Further, it is not easy to find a balance between this process of understanding a relationship’s capacity for choice and freedom and your own need to feel and behave like an independent human being.  If you do something that goes contrary to the requirements of your partner, you must learn to understand the viewpoint and feel the pain of your partner.  You must carry both of your realities, yours and your partner’s.  You cannot just fly off into rebellion or power to prove that you are tough and strong and independent as you go off to ‘do your own thing.’

The key here is that each of us must learn to feel our own vulnerability so that we can feel the vulnerability of our partners.  This deepens connections.  Embracing our vulnerability is a very threatening thing to do in a relationship because it means meeting the other person without defenses.  To learn to live with our vulnerability in an emotionally healthy way is to learn to live in a relationship in an undefended way.  This does not mean that we give up our power and become victims; it just means that we must feel our vulnerability.”

Partnering A New Kind Of Relationship – How To Love Each Other Without Losing Yourselves, Hal Stone, Ph.D. & Sidra L. Stone, Ph.D., pgs. 24 – 26.

“In solitude, we affirm and renew our direct experience of thorough, undeniable presence.  But life is so much more than our individual experience.  And so, through relationship, we absorb and integrate the experience and presence of others.

Whales and dolphins are great teachers in how we move from solitude to community and back.  These mammoth creatures are air-breathing, which is quite miraculous.  And though they can stay submerged for long periods of time, they must surface to breathe or they will die.  But they can’t stay on the surface indefinitely because they must be immersed in the deep or they will die.

This is a helpful metaphor for how we, as souls in bodies, must continually submerge ourselves in the deep, only to break surface into the world.  The only question is:  What is your personal rhythm between depth and surface, between solitude and community?  How do we make a practice of breaking surface to serve the world and diving in the deep to renew our soul?”

Paramhansa Yogananda, the wise Indian guru says, “When you are with others, be with them whole-heartedly.  But when you are by yourself, be alone with God.  Spend ever more time with Him.”

German philosopher, Arthur Schopenhauer, wrote, “A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.”

Falling Down and Getting Up: Discovering Your Inner Resilience and Strength, Mark Nepo, pgs. 61 – 62., The Essence Of Self-Realization, Paramhansa Yogananda, J. Donald Walters, p. 181., Arthur Schopenhauer Essays on Solitude.

Step 1: Focus Your Heart

Action: Allow your awareness to move from your mind to the area of your heart.

Result: This sends a signal to your heart that a shift has taken place—you are no longer engaged in the world around you and are now becoming aware of the world within you.

Step 2: Slow Your Breathing

Action: Begin to breathe a little more slowly than usual, allowing five to six seconds for your inhale and exhale.

Result: This simple step sends a second signal to your body that you are safe and in a place that supports your process. Deep, slow breathing has long been known to stimulate a relaxation response of the nervous system (the parasympathetic response).

Step 3: Feel a Rejuvenating Feeling

Action: To the best of your ability, feel a genuine sense of caring, appreciation, gratitude, or compassion for anything or anyone.

Result: The key to success here is for your feeling to be as sincere and heartfelt as possible. As described previously, it’s the quality of this feeling that fine-tunes and optimizes the coherence between your heart and your brain. While everyone is capable of this experience, it’s one of those processes that you may need to experiment with to find what works best for you.

Step 4: Ask Your Heart Intelligence a Question

Action: The previous three steps create the harmony between your brain and your heart that enables you to tap into your heart’s wisdom. As you continue to breathe and hold the focus in your heart,  this is the time to ask your question.

Result: Heart intelligence generally works best when the questions are brief and to the point. Remember, your heart doesn’t need a preface or the history of a situation before the question. Ask your question silently as a single concise sentence and then allow your heart’s wisdom to respond in a way that works for you.

Step 5: Listen

Action: Become aware of how your body feels immediately as you are asking your question. Make a note of any sensations such as warmth, tingling, ringing of the ears, and emotions that may arise. Everyone learns and experiences uniquely. There is no correct or incorrect way of receiving your heart’s wisdom. The key here is to know what works best for you.

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