This quiz from the author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? can help you determine the answer.
Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions:
1. Does your partner seem cold or unfeeling in the face of your feelings or the feelings of other people, or does he seem to have difficulty understanding the feelings of other people?
2. Does your partner talk about his life, accomplishments and work in an exaggerated or larger-than-life way (for example, having an impossibly good job, how he is going to have the greatest of everything)? Is your partner arrogant and convinced of his superiority over other people?
3. Does your partner believe that he is entitled to special treatment in all areas of his life (to receive special treatment from businesses, service workers, friends and life in general)? Does he become angry when this special treatment is not accorded to him?
4. Does your partner manipulate people and situations to get his needs met, with little regard for the feelings of other people?
5. Does your partner become intensely angry very quickly—and usually out of proportion to the situation at hand?
7. Is your partner able to hand out criticism easily, but does he have a hard time hearing even the slightest feedback without becoming defensive and even angry?
8. Is your partner frequently jealous of you and your friendships, relationships, successes and opportunities?
10. Does your partner need constant admiration and validation, such as compliments, awards and honors, and does he seek it out (for example, through social media or constantly letting people know about his achievements)?
11. Does your partner regularly lie, leave out important details or give you inconsistent information?
15. Is your partner emotionally cold and distant? Does he become disconnected, particularly at times when you are experiencing or showing strong emotion?
16. Does your partner frequently second-guess you or doubt you to the point that you feel like you are “going crazy?”
17. Is your partner cheap with his time or money? Is he a person who will only be generous when it will serve his interests?
18. Does your partner regularly avoid taking responsibility, and is he quick to blame others for his mistakes? Does your partner tend to defend himself instead of taking responsibility for his behavior?
21. Are your partner’s moods, behaviors and lifestyle unpredictable and inconsistent? Do you frequently feel like you do not know what is coming next?
22. Does your partner take advantage of you and other people on a regular basis? Does he take the opportunity to ensure his needs are met even if it means inconveniencing or taking advantage of the connections or time potentially offered by you or other people?
23. Does your partner enjoy watching other people fail? Does he take glee in the idea that someone’s life or business is not going well, especially when that person has typically done better than him?
24. Does your partner find it difficult to be alone or spend time alone?
25. Does your partner have poor boundaries with other people? Does he maintain inappropriate relationships with friends and co-workers, and keep doing this even when he is told that this is uncomfortable for you?
27. Does your partner tune out when you are talking? Does he yawn, check his device or get distracted by papers and tasks around him while you are talking to him?
28. Does your partner become vulnerable or sensitive at times of stress or when things are not going well? Is he unable to cope when faced with significant stressors, and does he become very fragile at these times?
29. Is your partner regularly neglectful or just not mindful of basic communication and courtesy (e.g., letting you know he is going to be late, or reflexively saying and doing hurtful and careless things)?
30. Does your partner frequently use his appearance or sexuality to get attention? Is he very flirtatious, or does he frequently use sexy banter with people outside of your relationship in his words, actions, and social media posts or text messages?
This excerpt was taken from Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist, by Ramani Durvasula, PhD. Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles.