“Buddhists don’t accept romantic love the way we do. For them, there’s one universal love that is given toward all human beings — and not an intimate love felt for one person.
Lama Yeshe puts it in a witty way: Ordinary love is narrow, closed-minded and fickle. As long as your love is ordinary, your narrow mind will keep singling out one object: ‘you’re the only one for me; my only object of love and compassion.’
This earth contains countless atoms, but you choose only one: ‘I love this atom.’ That’s such a silly mind; completely silly. There are countless atoms throughout all of space but tied by attachment your squeezing mind chooses only one. Then whenever you encounter another atom, you feel insecure.
As Lama Yeshe explains, ‘Our focus is constantly aimed at one person — one atom. If we are in a relationship, we expect so much from one person and focus solely on them. And if we are single, we might feel lonely and wish there was one atom on which we could focus our love.
It might be challenging to find ‘a middle way’ when it comes to love since it’s an intense emotion reinforced with mental activity. Nonetheless, reflecting on what the Buddhists believe can help us love differently. I’m not saying we should leave our partners like the Buddha did to focus on the rest of humanity, but the Buddha’s story is a motivation to broaden our perspective and distribute our love equally to all.
When we focus on different atoms, our love for our partner won’t be rooted in neediness attachment. Consequently, our partner can also work on bodhicitta (opening his/her heart and permeating their being with care, compassion, and a strong sense of connection with others). Filling other people’s glasses from our inexhaustible bottle will, in fact, transform all our relationships.”
crystalwind.ca, written by Elyane Youssef.
