Category: Spiritual Writings

“One of the ways to practice deep shadow work is to first be aware of the ‘story’ you are telling yourself. (whether it’s true or not).

I’m sorry, I don’t know what book this is from..(perhaps someone knows). However, I find it to be a truly effective way to reframe and introduce another perspective.

We are NOT responsible for what happened to us and how we felt as children…and yet we ARE RESPONSIBLE to heal it within us and get out of the story to Parent ourselves now.

“We know deep down, and have always known, that “need fulfillment” and good parenting mean the five A’s: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.  As children, we noticed how our parents did and did not fit the bill.  We then looked for someone who could fit the bill better or more consistently.

Our self-esteem emerges from contact with others who provide us with the five A’s.  The five A’s are not extras.  They are the components of the healthy, individualized ego:  Attention from others leads to self-respect.  Acceptance engenders a sense of being inherently a good person.  Appreciation generates a sense of self-worth. Affection makes us feel loveable.  Allowing gives us the freedom to pursue our own deepest needs, values, and wishes.

When the five A’s were not forthcoming we might have felt we were to blame.  That may leave us with a gnawing need to make reparation all our lives.

(Reparation is to seek help or payment from someone for the damage, loss, or suffering that they have caused you.)

Such reparation is futile and misleading, since the true task is a journey out into the world to find some of what was missing … and then to discover it in ourselves, too.

As adults, we look for the partner who will be just right.  At first, that means a replica of our parents with some of the better — or missing — features added.  So we find the man who controls but is also loyal.

As we mature we no longer seek the negative traits, only the positive ones.  So we no longer look for controlling men but for loyal men who let us be ourselves.

In full maturity, we do not demand perfection at all, only notice reality.  We access our resources within. A partner who cooperates in that is a gift but no longer a necessity.

The five A’s begin as needs to be fulfilled by our parents, then become needs to be fulfilled by our partners, and someday become gifts we give to others and to the world.”

How To Be An Adult In Relationships – The Five Keys To Mindful Loving, David Richo, pgs. 26-27.

“When you find your path, you’ll know it. (Life becomes easier.)

‘It is the toughest task you will ever face. But once you define your purpose, the meaning of your life will become clearer and all other tasks, no matter how difficult they may seem, will become easier.’  This quote by T. Byram Karasu is from his book, The Spirit of Happiness, Discovering God’s Purpose for Your Life.

He points out that the sooner you’re able to uncover the gift or talent that connects you with others, the better. Once your purpose is uncovered, you get to practice getting better at it each day. You can work at being a better coach or mentor, a better veterinarian or volunteer, a better baker or painter, a better (insert your calling here).

Karasu writes, ‘To believe—to have faith—in God means trusting there is a reason for the existence of everything in his world and beyond, and there is a meaning in its mystery. It means believing that there is a Holy Purpose for you.’

When you’re on your true path, you’ll find that you’re not only helping to enrich the lives of others, but that this is the key to your own happiness as well. 

You’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing, making your own small contribution to the good of the world.”

patheos.com, 5 Clues To Knowing Your Purpose In Life, Tom Rapsas