Author: mysticheartsong

“We know deep down, and have always known, that “need fulfillment” and good parenting mean the five A’s: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.  As children, we noticed how our parents did and did not fit the bill.  We then looked for someone who could fit the bill better or more consistently.

Our self-esteem emerges from contact with others who provide us with the five A’s.  The five A’s are not extras.  They are the components of the healthy, individualized ego:  Attention from others leads to self-respect.  Acceptance engenders a sense of being inherently a good person.  Appreciation generates a sense of self-worth. Affection makes us feel loveable.  Allowing gives us the freedom to pursue our own deepest needs, values, and wishes.

When the five A’s were not forthcoming we might have felt we were to blame.  That may leave us with a gnawing need to make reparation all our lives.

(Reparation is to seek help or payment from someone for the damage, loss, or suffering that they have caused you.)

Such reparation is futile and misleading, since the true task is a journey out into the world to find some of what was missing … and then to discover it in ourselves, too.

As adults, we look for the partner who will be just right.  At first, that means a replica of our parents with some of the better — or missing — features added.  So we find the man who controls but is also loyal.

As we mature we no longer seek the negative traits, only the positive ones.  So we no longer look for controlling men but for loyal men who let us be ourselves.

In full maturity, we do not demand perfection at all, only notice reality.  We access our resources within. A partner who cooperates in that is a gift but no longer a necessity.

The five A’s begin as needs to be fulfilled by our parents, then become needs to be fulfilled by our partners, and someday become gifts we give to others and to the world.”

How To Be An Adult In Relationships – The Five Keys To Mindful Loving, David Richo, pgs. 26-27.

“When you find your path, you’ll know it. (Life becomes easier.)

‘It is the toughest task you will ever face. But once you define your purpose, the meaning of your life will become clearer and all other tasks, no matter how difficult they may seem, will become easier.’  This quote by T. Byram Karasu is from his book, The Spirit of Happiness, Discovering God’s Purpose for Your Life.

He points out that the sooner you’re able to uncover the gift or talent that connects you with others, the better. Once your purpose is uncovered, you get to practice getting better at it each day. You can work at being a better coach or mentor, a better veterinarian or volunteer, a better baker or painter, a better (insert your calling here).

Karasu writes, ‘To believe—to have faith—in God means trusting there is a reason for the existence of everything in his world and beyond, and there is a meaning in its mystery. It means believing that there is a Holy Purpose for you.’

When you’re on your true path, you’ll find that you’re not only helping to enrich the lives of others, but that this is the key to your own happiness as well. 

You’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing, making your own small contribution to the good of the world.”

patheos.com, 5 Clues To Knowing Your Purpose In Life, Tom Rapsas

“As I stand in my kitchen, surrounded by the beautiful chaos of daily life, I am reminded of the profound lessons that come from embracing the mess. The crumbs on the counter and the sticky spots on the floor are not symbols of failure but of life being fully lived. They show that I am present, day after day, doing my best.

Life’s messiness is where we find our true selves—where we learn to embrace imperfection, find beauty in the ordinary, and show kindness to ourselves. It’s where we let go of control and learn to go with the flow, trusting that things will work out, even if it’s not in the way we expected.

Embracing change and the chaos that comes with it has taught me that the most beautiful moments often arise from the most unexpected places. It has shown me that resilience, adaptability, and strength are born from facing our fears and stepping into the unknown.

Recently, a wise friend gifted me a fridge magnet that reads, ‘A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.’ There was a time when I might have felt defeated or even insulted by this message. Instead, I now see it as a gentle reminder to exhale and accept myself and my messy life as they are—worthy, unique, and filled with rich lessons and avenues for growth.

If you find yourself struggling with the messiness of life, I encourage you to look for the grace in the chaos. Embrace the imperfections, show up, and do your best. Remember that you are enough, just as you are. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.

So, the next time you find yourself overwhelmed by the crumbs on the counter or the sticky spots on the floor, take a moment to breathe and appreciate the life being lived in those messy, imperfect spaces. Show up, do your best, and trust that this is more than enough.”

tinybuddha.com, Robin Evan Willis

“In traditional Japanese aesthetics, wabi-sabi (侘び寂び) is a world-view centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of appreciating beauty that is ‘imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete’ in nature.  It is prevalent in many forms of Japanese art.

Wabi-sabi is a composite of two interrelated aesthetic concepts, wabi (侘) and sabi (寂). According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, wabi may be translated as ‘subdued, austere beauty,’ while sabi means ‘rustic patina.’ Wabi-sabi is derived from the Buddhist teaching of the three marks of existence (三法印, sanbōin), specifically impermanence, suffering, and emptiness or absence of self-nature.

Characteristics of wabi-sabi aesthetics and principles include asymmetry,  roughness, simplicity, economy, austerity, modesty, intimacy, and the appreciation of both natural objects and the forces of nature.

‘Pared down to its barest essence, wabi-sabi is the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and profundity in nature, of accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay, and death. It’s simple, slow, and uncluttered. It reveres authenticity above all. Wabi-sabi is flea markets, not warehouse stores; aged wood, not Pergo; rice paper, not glass. It celebrates cracks and crevices and all the other marks that time, weather, and loving use leave behind. It reminds us that we are all but transient beings on this planet. That our bodies as well as the material world around us are in the process of returning to the dust from which we came. Through wabi-sabi, we learn to embrace liver spots, rust, and frayed edges, and the march of time they represent.’ 

In one sense wabi-sabi is a training whereby the student of wabi-sabi learns to find the most basic, natural objects interesting, fascinating, and beautiful. Fading autumn leaves would be an example.

Wabi-sabi can change the student’s perception of the world to the extent that a chip or crack in a vase makes it more interesting and gives the object greater meditative value. Similarly, materials that age such as bare wood, paper, and fabric become more interesting as they exhibit changes that can be observed over time.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wabi-sabi