“Life is full of difficult emotions. That’s unavoidable. What you do with those difficult emotions is what determines your level of emotional intelligence.
According to best-selling author and star psychologist Adam Grant, there’s one response that’s a sure sign your EQ is very low — and it can be captured in just one four-word phrase.
When someone at work does something selfish, thoughtless, or manipulative, it’s entirely natural to feel a spike of anger (it can. even be productive if channeled properly, research shows). What’s not healthy, Grant insisted on a recent episode of his podcast ReThinking featuring fellow psychologist Susan David, is to blame the other person for your rage.
‘I don’t judge emotions, but I do judge the way that people give up agency over their emotions,’ Grant tells David. ‘A sign of emotional intelligence is abandoning the phrase, You made me feel, Because you’re giving other people power over your emotions. No one can make me feel anything, to take the line misattributed to Viktor Frankl.’
Which means if you regularly use that same phrase — You made me feel — you might be sitting on an opportunity to significantly improve your own EQ. The idea that we have the capacity to choose how we respond to provocations and disappointments is appealing. But it also raises an important question. If “You made me feel” is a red flag for low emotional intelligence because it implies other people control our feelings entirely, what is the alternative approach?
… a more practical method that translates academic theory into simple, everyday practice. It’s called the Wiser method and it’s endorsed by decades of research. Wiser stands for watch, interpret, select, engage, reflect.“
INC.com, The Four-Word Phrase That’s A Sure Sign Of Low Emotional Intelligence, According To Star Psychologist Adam Grant, by Jessica Stillman.
