“What I assumed about dealing with people was wrong. What all the marriage therapists believed was wrong. And a lot of what you think you know about relationships is wrong. Relax, it’s not your fault. We’ve been getting conflicting information all our lives.
- Do ‘clothes make the man’? But they told me ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’?
- ‘Do birds of a feather flock together’? Wait, I heard ‘opposites attract’?
- ‘You should just be yourself’. Or is it ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’?
Relationship-wise, I have been driving through life with the parking brake on. One reason that I started studying social psychology is that I have never been good with people and I wanted to understand why.
Relationships bring us the highest of highs and the lowest of oh-my-god-I-never-guessed-it-could-get-this-low lows. We all fear being vulnerable or embarrassed. At times we wonder if we are cursed or broken. We cannot stop the waves, but we can learn to surf. Whether you’re already good with people or you’re a socially anxious introvert, we can all build better friendships, find love, reignite love, and get closer to others in this age of increasing emotional distance and loneliness.
Often our problems with others start with our inaccurate perception of them.
We’ve all gotten burned by trying to judge people’s character. Can we learn to size up people accurately? to know what’s on their minds — scientifically? To detect lies? Read body language? Simply put: ‘Can we judge a book by its cover’?
We need practical tips and strategies for building and maintaining strong relationships, as well as dealing with difficult people and situations.”
Plays Well With Others – The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong, Eric Barker, p. 5-9.
