“Learning the right way to have a bickering match with your partner can help you both avoid the inevitable ‘blowing up’ of a situation, and help you both navigate through life’s undeniable challenges. So, how can you do this? Here are a few argument tips!
1. Get Curious … Why do you keep having the same argument again and again?
What is the other person feeling? How are you feeling? 
Trying to understand (without accusations!) what went wrong and led to escalation can help you defer from doing so in the future. It can also help you both understand each other better, again, bringing you closer! Some things you can use here include asking questions to understand. And even asking yourself questions! Why did you get so mad you had to yell? Figuring these things out is entirely worthwhile, especially if you value the relationship.
2. Plan A Time For It – 
This removes a ton of factors, such as having a huge argument after an exhausting and stressful workday or getting into it when traveling on your vacation. It also helps you both prime your minds for being open and honest with one another. 
This can further help you each gather your thoughts and present them in a considerate and caring way. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, things don’t always come out or sound as we intend them to. This gives you a buffer!
3. Use “Active Listening” – You may have heard this before. But active listening doesn’t involve you gearing up for your next response. Rather, it’s all about fully taking in and understanding what the other person is
saying. When having a disagreement, this means not having a response ready. Instead, you listen, then may even paraphrase what the other person said to show your understanding and that you heard them. Asking for clarification if you’re unsure is also ultra-useful here.
4. Replace Complaints with Requests = A healthy argument is all about being
constructive rather than destructive. This means maybe re-phrasing a few ways you go about your disagreements. For instance, instead of complaining to your partner that they never help you with the dishes, it can be more productive to ask them to help you with the dishes (and doing so in a polite and respectful tone!).
5. Have a Timeout – There’s no shame in your emotions getting the best of you.
However, it’s important to recognize when this is happening and remove yourself accordingly. Therapists even recommend this tactic when things are getting heated. Here’s what you do: Note your emotions are getting heightened and excuse yourself, giving a set time when you will talk again (such as in half an hour or at a certain time).
Then, go and write out all the awful things you’re thinking about your partner. This is simply just to get that frustration and anger out. After this stage, then write out what you could’ve done better in the situation (there’s definitely something!).
Lastly, come up with three solutions to the disagreement, which you will present to your partner once you’ve calmed down. (These solutions may even involve you apologizing for your part in the disagreement.)”
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