“To free ourselves from our neurotic ego is ultimately to accept the conditions of existence and to see ourselves not as victims or opponents of the givens of reality, but as adults who face up to them honestly. These givens include the following: things change and end; life is not always fair; we pay for growth with suffering; things do not always go according to plan; people are not always loyal or loving. Accepting the conditions of existence means first of all admitting our vulnerability to them. To let go of the entitlement to an exemption is thus to be ready for love.
When we realize that the givens of life no matter how ferocious are not penalties but ingredients of depth, lovability, and character, we can let go of the belief that we are immune (or need to be). ‘That can’t happen to me’ or ‘How dare they do that to me’ change to ‘Anything human can happen to me, and I will do my best to handle it.’ The strength to handle challenges, in fact, is directly proportional to how much we let go of entitlement.
Once we cease our dispute with circumstances and simply face them and deal with them, we feel serenity, changing what can be changed and accepting what cannot be changed. By doing so, we build a strong foundation for self-respect, a healthy alternative to universal entitlement. This means, among other things, establishing and maintaining personal boundaries so that others do not take advantage of us. Thus, self-respect is strength and not weakness, but it gives us power for something, not over anything. It overcomes our fear of scarcity and deprivation. We feel love and freedom springing up abundantly within.”
How To Be An Adult In Relationships, David Richo, p. 184.
