“We all have an internal voice that speaks to us. Sometimes it is loving. But many times, without realizing it, it becomes critical, demanding, and cruel. However, your inner voice can be transformed.
Mindfulness helps you observe that voice without identifying with it, and to transform it by being conscious of it. You can start talking to yourself as you would to a child who is learning, or to a friend who needs support: with patience, respect and affection. When you cultivate this compassion with yourself, it becomes more natural to extend it to others.
Changing that voice doesn’t mean lying to yourself. It means changing the voice to remind you that you are valuable even in the midst of error or fear. It means cultivating compassion with yourself. It is a way of looking, of relating, or acting. You begin to recognize that you did the best you could with the resources and awareness you had at the time. You forgive yourself.
So self-forgiveness is part of compassion. Forgiving yourself does not mean forgetting or justifying. Forgiveness is an act of liberation. You can stop carrying the blame as punishment. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself to move forward lighter, freer, and more at peace.
Research by psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the study of self-compassion, has shown that self-compassion activates the brain regions associated with secure attachment, empathy, and stress regulation. Her classic book, Self Compassion, is the place to start to learn how to treat yourself as you would a friend, enabling you to achieve your highest potential and live a more fulfilled life.
In many spiritual traditions, self compassion is considered a healing force that unites all beings. There is no enlightenment without compassion, because seeing clearly includes seeing the pain, and accompanying it with love. As well as feeling compassion in your internal self talk, you are able to extend this practice to those that you feel have hurt you. You begin to create a new relationship with you: more human, more real, more loving.“
Mindfulness From Beginners To Advanced, D. Millares, Pgs. 28 – 30.