“This post is not intended to apportion blame, rather to raise awareness + consciousness around a topic many of us can relate to so we can begin to heal + create a different reality for our own children.
Parenting through unhealed wounds is both extremely common + impactful to children. Around 80% of our programming is complete by the time we’re 7 years old + is formed mostly through our experience of our family system.
The emotionally immature parent is the parent who carries unhealed trauma from their own childhood + parents ‘through’ their wounds. This is alarmingly common + in my experience specializing in inner child healing, is the leading cause for childhood emotional trauma + profoundly impacts every aspect of our life.
In most cases our parents will be completely unconscious to the fact that they’re carrying unhealed wounds. They’re unconsciously repeating what they experienced in their own childhood. This is why it’s so important for us to do our own inner work – so that we break the cycle.
TO BEGIN HEALING
BOUNDARIES are essential + especially with your family. Just because they’re your family does NOT mean that you have to continue to tolerate patterns of behavior that do not honor you.
YOU MAY need to consider taking a step back from the family dynamic for a few months while you dive into your inner work. Once you feel more solid within yourself, then you may wish to try seeing your family again but be prepared to have to be firm on your boundaries + follow through.
REALIZE your parents were unconsciously repeating what they’d experienced in their own childhood + it’s likely that if they could have done better- they would have.
Regardless of how our wounds were formed – it’s our responsibility to heal them.”