“A mother or father who identifies with the parental role may try to become more complete through their children. The ego’s need to manipulate others into filling the sense of lack it continuously feels is then directed toward them. If the mostly unconscious assumptions and motivations behind the parent’s compulsion to manipulate their
children were made conscious and voiced, they would probably include some or all of the following: “I want you to achieve what I never achieved; I want you to be somebody in the eyes of the world, so that I too can be somebody through you. Don’t disappoint me. I sacrificed so much for you. I know what is best for you.”
If your parents are doing this to you, do not tell them they are unconscious and in the grip of the ego.
That will likely make them even more unconscious because the ego will take up a defensive position. It is enough for you to recognize that it is the ego in them, that is not who they are. Egoic patterns, even long-standing ones, sometimes dissolve almost miraculously when you don’t oppose them internally. Opposition only gives them renewed strength. But even if they don’t, you can then accept your parents’ behavior with compassion, without needing to react to it, that is to say, without personalizing it.
If you think you are so enlightened,’ Ram Dass said, ‘go spend a week with your parents.’
That is good advice. The relationship with your parents is not only the primordial relationship that sets the tone for all subsequent relationships, it is also a good test for your degree of Awareness or Presence. The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.”
A New Earth – Awakening To Your Life’s Purpose, Eckhart Tolle, pgs. 98-101.
