Two Kinds Of Love

January 23, 2026

EGO LOVE

Ego love is based on conditions and expectations. Ego love says, ‘I love you to the extent you love me in return. I will not love you if you decide you do not love or want to be with me.’ Ego love has strings attached: ‘I love you, but you have to change _____.’ ‘I want you to be happy, so long as your happiness is in some way attached to me.’

 

Ego love is not truly selfless because we inherently attach some condition of control or possession to it. Ego love is not truly selfless because we inherently attach some condition of control or possession to it.

AUTHENTIC LOVE (“SOUL LOVE”)

When love is authentic, it does not seek to control or possess. Authentic love is based on a selfless admiration and fondness for the other person. We truly value and wish them happiness, even if that happiness does not include us.

Authentic love says: ‘I love you, even if you do not want to be with me. I will not act out in malice, and will not wish you harm if you decide you do not want to be in my life.’ Authentic love does not leave room for bitterness.

Authentic love is, in a word, freedom.“

goodtherapy.org

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